When asked, “Did you always know you were going to be a lawyer?” I say no, and really, no, because I had varying other career plans that looked nothing like being an attorney, but indeed have shown up in serendipitous ways.
A Comedian
My first career goal, which began in grade school, was to be a comedian. I had numerous props, including a hand buzzer, a rubber chicken, and a can of snakes. I stopped short of the sadistic pack of spearmint gum that pricked fingers. Once I appreciated realizing this career goal entailed having to stand on stage and likely be heckled, I abandoned it. But as luck would have it, levity persistently comes in handy in the practice of law and law firm management. It’s a lifeboat to get through the sober circumstances that often arise in cases and the steady obstacles faced while overseeing a firm.
Thankfully, I’m at a firm where there is no shortage of personality, and one can regularly enjoy tripping a little light with others in the firm. At each place I’ve worked prior I’ve been relieved to have a few good-humored colleagues, but never a firm filled with them. This doesn’t mean our firm is full of slapstick clowns – quiet charisma, deadpan wit, and unexpectedly humorous introverts are all present and make up our delightful team.
It is of note that we’re a virtual firm with a brick-and-mortar corporate office, so these opportunities to interact have been curated throughout the construction of the firm’s infrastructure over the years, and include weekly think tank meetings; virtual meet-ups with structured and unstructured topics; ad hoc in-person meetups around the US; yearly retreats in our corporate office; regional teams chat groups, etc.
A Psychiatrist
Once comedy was off the table, I decided to be a psychiatrist. The human existence and interpersonal relationships have always fascinated me, but biology wasn’t my strength in college, so I abandoned this ambition. Incidentally, at my firm, we dissect the brains, behaviors and emotions of ourselves and everyone else who works at or with our firm in every decision we make. We put energy and resources into improving our own psyches, thought patterns, and actions. We work on how to be authentic and curious, with candor in a kind and thoughtful way. Sometimes I witness the beauty of a tough conversation unfolding – whether I’m in it or a bystander – and appreciate what an exceptional occasion it is if it ends up diplomatic and productive.
A big topic we focus on is … I’m sorry but I’m going to say it…. work-life balance. This has taken exhaustive effort, to the point that I personally abandoned focus on it after lamenting how to let the two co-exist for a couple of decades. However, in that lamenting, I picked up some tips and anecdotes that started to become habits, and now while I’m busy not focusing on whether I’m doing the two right I think I’m doing better at it. I now have a toolbox with a handful of simple, maybe silly, mindfulness, serenity and balance hacks that facilitate peace and growth in this regard that include:
At the end of each day as I fall asleep, I envision the day comprised of boxes of time increments and if at the end of the week my days had work productivity and life moments in them I regard it a successful week (Bonus: this also helps with insomnia);
I consistently remind myself of what could be my deathbed regrets to keep my priorities and decisions on the right track;
If I’m feeling over-stretched, I pause to remember everything I say yes to is saying no to something else and make more intentional decisions about duties and commitments. If the something else I say yes to is empty space that is not only fine but exciting;
I give some days a couple of newspaper headlines to imprint what really resonates. For example, “Mom does homework with loveable, toothy daughter on patio on sunny afternoon in February”, or, “Attorney enjoys partaking in meeting with colleagues full of savvy insights, trailblazing ideas, and dark comedy”.
Business Degree
I finally landed on a business degree, specifically in marketing, with an awful lot of accounting classes. This very left-brained direction somehow was a perfect antidote to life. Of course, it comes in handy now as we sit in the control panel of the law firm. However, perhaps the most notable aspect is the use of the left brain and the work that comes in tandem with it as a bunker from all of the commotion and overwhelming feels of life.
There have been times life has gotten off the charts with anxiety (I found infants to be the sweetest little cabbages that terrified me more than anything) and emoting (my Dad had some dire health incidents with numerous weepy bedside hospital visits over the last year) and instead of wanting to wrap work in a bag and set it aside, and even though I work with such kind people that is something I can do when necessary, in these moments I have also found myself needing to work to escape to something explicable and cerebral.
And Then Law
In law school, elder law, torts and family law were the clear stunners to me, and they show up big in our firm’s practice area, along with a multiplicity of other practice areas. Essentially, we are a practice area nesting doll; inside each is another practice area. Medicaid, administrative law, probate, guardianships, civil procedure, real estate, contracts, torts, litigation, legislation, constitutional law, criminal law, property…. every course in law school has a chance to join the party at some point.
Early on in our firm’s history we went into a room for 48 hours and brainstormed what made us collectively “tick”, and came up with a set of values – ways of working and living that serve as guideposts each day. It’s striking how minding the values is responsible for our treasured attributes and accomplishments. Applying these components to the practice of law is something that defines our firm and the client and employee experience.
At the end of the day, I work at a law firm, and I’m thrilled to say it.
Author: Betsy Spawn Stotler | SHG Co-Founder & Partner
